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simplyjoy
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Name: Jeni
Birthday: 4/8/1983
Gender: Female
Interests: family, reading, praying, teaching, snowboarding, running, coffee bean, knitting
Occupation: Nanny
Industry: Education
Message: message me
AIM:  bereanjoy
Member Since:
1/30/2005
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| http://jenikim.wordpress.com
come find me :) | | |
| exactly a year ago, in a time of heartbreaking trials, i signed on my xanga to write a new entry and typed three simple words:
"obedience is freedom."
i wrote the following in my journal that same day:
[i apologize for the grammar; i remember writing as fast as my thoughts arose]
"Hosea 2:19,20
I will betroth you to Me forever;
Yes, I will betroth you to Me in righteousness and in justice,
In lovingkindness and in compassion,
And I will betroth you to Me in faithfulness.
Then you will know the LORD.
our God is so immensely good, most loving, and unceasingly kind. as i read hosea both this morning and in the evening, His words in His command to Hosea really pierced my heart. i am this Gomer; this woman who does not fear the wrath of God. though in context, my Father was speaking to His people and through this adulterous marriage, revealing to Hosea, the broken heart of Himself. and as i read, i think, what a privilege to be chosen by God merely for the purpose of brokenness. you may read my words and think that i'm crazy but truly, that is when i feel most gratified in His love, most reminded of His grace and the undeserved compassion He's bestowed on my life. how lucky am i to have Him to love me so much. i know i can't take this passage and directly compare it to my life but indeed, i have prostituted myself to the desires of this world and all the entanglements of sin it has to offer. i am, without hesitation, wretched without Him. and even when i do have Him, still, and yet, my mind is enamored by the things of this world. please strengthen and restore me LORD. i will strive after You, my God."
one year has passed, and i wonder, has my heart continued to persevere even now? it's funny how our God works; always the same lessons, never in the same way. He is indeed pruning me down to my core, but i can only attribute my heart's stability to His strength and love that holds me fast. i plead that my Father would always keep my close to His heart. i truly hope that in the end of my life, my God would find a faithful life that lived to please Him alone.
it's so true what my pastor says [but i'm probably paraphrasing this wrong, sorry pastor peter]: you will find yourself most satisfied in Him when you are striving in the center of His will.
obedience is indeed freedom.
[on a side note - ironically, in the beginning of my journal entry, i wrote about how lynna & i were beginning to keep each other accountable through the reading of the minor prophets. who would have known that a year later, we would be year-long mission partners preparing to leave for china?]
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| upon coming back from china, i began perusing through my older sister's
book collection to see what treasures i could find within. while
tipping my head to the side and running quickly through the authors on
the spine of each volume, i stopped with glee at "Charles H. Spurgeon"
and delicately slipped the book from the shelf. taking it hostage, i
tiptoed deftly to my room, clutching my newfound friend in my arms and
cackling in a whisper to myself, all the while excited to begin
discovering supplemental insights through our dear spurgeon. glancing
at the title, i read in my thoughts "Morning & Evening"...where
have i heard this title before? then i remembered that one of my older
brothers at sarang had recommended it to me while i was on missions to
russia. it was a devotional book he enjoyed reading alongside his own
quiet times with God. even more elated, i decided to do the same. since
then, it has been a wonderful reminder (twice a day) to immerse myself
more and more in His word, in His good work, and in the depth of love i
have for Him. i wanted to share what i had read yesterday morning
however, because of the beauty of its simplicity and the genuine love
with which spurgeon penned his eloquent words. [italicized emphasis, spurgeon's]
OCTOBER 24
MORNING
"The trees of the Lord are full of sap."
PSALM 104:16
Without sap the tree cannot flourish or even exist. Vitality is essential to a Christian. There most be life--a
vital principle infused into us by God the Holy Ghost, or we cannot be
trees of the Lord. The mere name of being a Christian is but a dead
thing, we must be filled with the spirit of divine life. This life is mysterious.
We do not understand the circulation of the sap, by what force it
rises, and by what power it descends again. So the life within us is a
sacred mystery. Regeneration is wrought by the Holy Ghost entering into
man and becoming man's life; and this divine life in a believer
afterwards feeds upon the flesh and blood of Christ and is thus
sustained by divine food, but whence it cometh and whither it goeth who
shall explain to us? What a secret thing
the sap is! The roots go searching through the soil with their little
spongioles, but we cannot see them suck out the various gases, or
transmute the mineral into the vegetable; this work is done down in the
dark. Our root is Christ Jesus, and our life is hid in Him; this is the
secret of the Lord. The radix of the Christian life is as secret as the
life itself. How permanently active
is the sap in the cedar! In the Christian the divine life is always
full of energy--not always in fruit-bearing, but in inward operations.
The believer's graces, are
not every one of them in constant motion? but his life never ceases to
palpitate within. He is not always working for God, but his heart is
always living upon Him. As the sap manifests itself in producing the foliage and fruit of the tree,
so with a truly healthy Christian, his grace is externally manifested
in his walk and conversation. If you talk with him, he cannot help
speaking about Jesus. If you notice his actions you will see that he
has been with Jesus. He has so much sap within, that it must fill his
conduct and conversation with life.
i leave you all with an anonymous poem i found while studying through macarthur's commentary on romans.
O long and dark the stairs I trod
With trembling feet to find my God
Gaining a foothold bit by bit,
Then slipping back and losing it.
Never progressing; striving still
With weakening grasp and faltering will,
Bleeding to climb to God, while He
Serenely smiled, unnoting me.
Then came a certain time when I
Loosened my hold and fell thereby;
Down to the lowest step my fall,
As if I had not climbed at all.
Now when I lay despairing there,
Listen...a footfall on the stair,
On that same stair where I afraid,
Faltered and fell and lay dismayed.
And lo, when hope had ceased to be,
My God came down the stairs to me.
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| i drove to irvine tonight thinking about my heart's condition. the way
the LORD tests me sometimes drives this wretched heart of mine into
brokenness yet again, without fail. and from ashes of the painful
privilege of love the Father chooses to bestow, only to bring me back
into His good graces, i am raw and undone.
however, it's divine intervention everytime God provides a reminding circumstance to our
trials, isn't it? as i sat in my car in patient frustration, i looked
up at the vehicle in the right lane next to me.
there was nothing special about it at all.
in fact, it was quite bent
out of shape, one brake light knocked out, paint chipping and fading
away with age.
but from its shabby frame i read the glowing license plate: "PSALM40"
still dwelling on my situation, i stared momentarily at the
indistinguishable letters before me in trance-like fashion, not quite
reading it just yet. but as the message dawned on me, i passed by,
looking in the driver's window only to see a sweet, seasoned, and
dignified elderly woman sitting pleasantly in her seat, looking
completely content.
i got into irvine, pulled over, pulled out my Bible and read...
PSALM 40
1I waited patiently for the LORD;
And He inclined to me and heard my cry.
2He brought me up out of the pit of destruction, out of the miry
clay,
And He set my feet upon a rock making my footsteps firm.
3He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God;
Many will see and fear
And will trust in the LORD.
4How blessed is the man who has made the LORD his trust,
And has not turned to the proud, nor to those who lapse into falsehood.
5Many, O LORD my God, are the wonders which You have done,
And Your thoughts toward us;
There is none to compare with You
If I would declare and speak of them,
They would be too numerous to count.
6Sacrifice and meal offering You have not desired;
My ears You have opened;
Burnt offering and sin offering You have not required.
7Then I said, "Behold, I come;
In the scroll of the book it is written of me.
8I delight to do Your will, O my God;
Your Law is within my heart."
9I have proclaimed glad tidings of righteousness in the great
congregation;
Behold, I will not restrain my lips,
O LORD, You know.
10I have not hidden Your righteousness within my heart;
I have spoken of Your faithfulness and Your salvation;
I have not concealed Your lovingkindness and Your truth from the great
congregation.
11You, O LORD, will not withhold Your compassion from me;
Your lovingkindness and Your truth will continually preserve me.
12For evils beyond number have surrounded me;
My iniquities have overtaken me, so that I am not able to see;
They are more numerous than the hairs of my head,
And my heart has failed me.
13Be pleased, O LORD, to deliver me;
Make haste, O LORD, to help me.
14Let those be ashamed and humiliated together
Who seek my life to destroy it;
Let those be turned back and dishonored
Who delight in my hurt.
15Let those be appalled because of their shame
Who say to me, "Aha, aha!"
16Let all who seek You rejoice and be glad in You;
Let those who love Your salvation say continually,
"The LORD be magnified!"
17Since I am afflicted and needy,
Let the Lord be mindful of me.
You are my help and my deliverer;
Do not delay, O my God.
forever and unceasingly, most patiently, and with much longsuffering, my
faithful, FAITHFUL Father waits for the undistracted transformation of
my heart, my everything.
quickly LORD, quickly.
bind ALL of me to Thee.
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| Willing to Be Weak
Dave Moffitt/Don Koch
Charles Billingsley
If I were stronger
Would I see a reason
For trusting everything into your hand
Without this hunger
Would I believe in
A love my heart could barely comprehend
I never thought my brokenness could take me very far
But it's only through my weakness
that I see how strong you are...Now
I'm willing to be weaker
A faithful seeker of your heart
To know your healing
I will be broken an empty vessel in your arms
So if that is what it takes
To bring me to my knees Lord, I'm willing
I'm willing to be weak
When I consider
All I've been given
It's clear to me your ways are not like mine
So I surrender
This life that I'm living
Just to know a peace that you alone provide
Here, standing in the shadow of this mountain
I have faced I see your hand of mercy
but it's only by your grace...That
All I once considered gain
Now I count but loss
To know your resurrection power
I take up my cross | | |
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